Queenie - A Painful Reminder of All The Things Black Women Accept, But Shouldn’t
Since Hulu has launched its Onyx Collective, we have been able to see some of the most popular recent titles by Black authors come to life on the small screen. The most recent is Queenie, a novel by Candice Caty-Williams. In preparation for Queenie’s debut I decided to read the novel and compare it to the visual adaptation. Although when I started reading Queenie I had expected a typical coming-of-age journey of self-discovery, this book turned out to be much more than that and not nearly as lighthearted. (Potential spoilers ahead.)
In the beginning of the book, I was admittedly very angry with Queenie. I was mad at her choices, her desperation, and self-sabotage. I practically screamed at her to just STOP because it was so painful to read her recurring instances of self-neglect and acceptance of mistreatment, especially when it came to her connection to obviously racist and abusive white men. Every decision she made for herself was sorely lacking in love. While we ultimately discover that it was due to childhood trauma, it was still heartbreaking to bear witness to her rejection from friends, men, and ultimately herself.
It could be easy to dismiss Queenie as a “hot mess” and leave it at that, but I can’t because I know Queenie. I’ve met versions of her in some of the Black women that have come to sit on my couch or logged on to meet with me. So I found myself empathizing with her pain and the struggle to stabilize herself. I understood how she ended up in a space of devaluation and low self-worth. One thing the show illustrated beautifully was the impact of generational trauma. For generations, each woman in her life endured, struggled, and suffered silently believing that this was the only way to move forward. This gives Queenie’s internalized suffering and struggle much more context.
Unfortunately, Queenie had very little recognition of trauma or its long-term impact, and she definitely did not have the language or adequate support to connect with professional help. Let’s be real here, though the “strong Black woman” trope is TIRED, there are still too many of us who continue to take on more than we should, believe that no one can help us, and not seek/allow assistance from our community. Because of this I want to provide some insight into some common trauma responses and a few resources to seek support.
Here are some common responses to trauma and general indications of needing support for your mental health:
Hypervigilance - feeling constantly on guard or jumpy; being hyper aware of your surroundings at all times; this may also show up as intense suspicion of others
Avoidance - avoiding specific places, settings, or people that may remind you of a traumatic experience; this could extend indirectly to unrelated people and places if they feel or seem similar
Irritability - feeling very easily upset or frustrated; constantly feeling annoyed or on edge even with loved ones
Anxiety - characterized by continually thinking of/planning for all possibilities or outcomes; can also be catastrophic (worst case scenario) thinking; this thinking goes beyond worry and can be immobilizing
Depression - characterized by low mood and reduced energy that takes your motivation and weighs you down; may also come with anhedonia (loss of enjoyment in things you normally like)
Emotional numbing - not being able to connect with feelings or emotions (even ones you do want to experience); having blunted or limited emotional expression and depth of feeling
Dissociation - feeling disconnected from your own mind and body; feeling outside of yourself; feeling as though an experience you are having is happening to someone else
Panic attack - feeling intense anxiety that may cause palpitations (heart flutters), shortness of breath, blurred vision, and/or an overwhelming feeling of dread
Misplaced guilt, blame, or shame - feeling that somehow you are completely at fault for what has happened to you or because of someone else's actions
If the symptoms listed above resonate with you or you are just wanting to begin your therapy journey, I invite you to learn more about myself and my practice here: www.stay-mindful.com And here are some additional places I highly recommend for you to find a therapist: Therapy For Black Girls - www.therapyforblackgirls.com , the Black Emotional And Mental Health Collective - BEAM https://beam.community/ and the National Queer and Trans Therapists Network - https://nqttcn.com/en/
What I really was reminded of with Queenie was how much little Black girls deserve to be loved. supported, and protected and how all too often these things are missing, inconsistent, or conditional. Black women endure so much and are taught that it is normal and expected, and it is that normalizing causes us to accept less and keeps us from seeking help. Fortunately therapy is becoming less stigmatized and we are realizing that enduring suffering can no longer be part of our legacy.
While it makes sense that after years of neglect you might begin to neglect yourself, it highlights the need to have support in lifting yourself up. If this article resonates with you, please share via email, DM, or on your socials and tag me! You can find me on FB and IG @MindfulLivingCounselingLLC or email me at mindfullivingcounselingllc@gmail.com - Thank you for reading and be well!
Anastacia Webb, LMFT, CYT 200, Reiki II
Mindful Living Counseling, LLC
Beyond Healing Holistically, LLC